So, I’ve been writing away like a good thing and with Cora welcoming a little baby into the world, I got to thinking, what does a baby concerto look like? Well I figure it looks like a whole load of pages of musical possibilities and potential. It just needs time to grow up and makes its parents proud…
Enjoy.
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Dinner at the Tyrone Guthrie Centre
A few weeks ago, I made my way up to a beautiful little corner of Co. Monaghan and a few weeks later, found myself wishing I didn’t have to leave again. There are not enough words to describe the experience of living and working in a community of artists for a period of time. The only question I have for myself is why it took me so long to try something like this in the first place?
The conversations over nightly dinner covered books, poetry, art and its place in contemporary Ireland and always included me as the solitary composer in the group, narrating the journey that led me to my rather generous and inspiring quarters in Annaghmakerrig.
Guthrie Composers Room
After getting lost on Monday somewhere on the way to Coothill, I eventually made it 5 hours late, but in time to settle in and attend my first dinner at the Centre. All the poets and authors were incredibly well spoken and exceptionally knowledgeable and I found myself just wanting to sit and listen to their conversations. Martin, Nollaig, Philip, Trevor and how could I forget Gerry. I honestly didn’t feel I had much to offer as a contributor! Over the course of my first week, I found my curiosity growing more and more with regards to the work of the artists in the group, but more about that later.
I set up my manuscript and got straight to work banging out my music on both the grand pianos in the composers studio. I was fascinated with the different timbres from each. When I got overwhelmed with that, I would turn my attention to finding text for the 3rd movement of the concerto within the various scriptures I had brought to hunt through. This was interspersed with various trips to the kitchen, which was conveniently situated right beneath me, resulting in the consumption of copious amounts of tea and brown sugar…yummmm……
The more time I spent talking to the visual artists, the more I started to question what the hell I was doing. For the first time, more than with composers, or poets, or writers, I found myself in deep conversation with artists, trying to understand how they evolved from regular painting to developing their very unique individual styles.
Whether it was Janet Pierce exploring mysticism, Karen Hendy developing mark-making as a style to escape the conscious mind, or Susan D’Amato exploring visual and conceptual correspondences between the human body and cosmological forms, the artists I met really made me turn the looking glass on myself and ask myself what I am actually trying to do musically.
Beyond writing notes and things that sound nice,
what is my actual goal when I write music?
A huge part of the first week at the Tyrone Guthrie Centre was spent looking at what I was trying to write and asking myself what I was actually seeking musically. As the week came to a close, much to my surprise, I started to see myself in a different light as a composer. More than ever, I started to feel that my personal exploration was the juxtaposition of historical tonality and modern atonality, trying to find the perfect balance between the styles so they sit in harmony together.
Hope Concerto Score
Suddenly, I had re-discovered my inspiration. I also had a second theme! I had desperately hoped for a secondary theme for the dominant first movement theme and now I had it. They could flow in and out of each other, yet one was tonal and the other, atonal. It was quite and amazing discovery and quite a fantastic creative discovery actually.
As I worked away, I had no idea that my creaky piano skills were sending waves of sound wafting out the windows and floating throughout the Tyrone Guthrie grounds. Several people commented on the music and how amazing it was sounding even on the lake, much to my surprise!
I took time to play the thematic concepts for some curious artists and writers who passed through and one comment in particular that stuck with me was from Pam, who said she loved the opening theme.
My Window
“When the second theme came it,
it just unexpectedly lifted the beauty to a whole other level.”
Could I possibly get a nicer comment from a listener on a raw idea? Her excitement was infectious…. so infectious in fact, that I decided to see could I extend my stay, which is exactly what I did….
a piano exposed
Staying on took a little work. Out of clothes to wear, I had my mothers car which needed to be returned and I still had to find out if they had space, as the residency could only originally offer me one week.
After asking for the extra week, on the basis that the composer studio seemed open on the schedule, Monday morning arrived with Ingrid walking into the studio grinning from ear to ear telling me they had sorted me out and I could stay! I dashed down like a little kid and had hugs for everyone in the office I was so happy. It was meant to be.
This second week was spent working my melody extensions
and seeing how far I could push them……
I discovered that the new 2nd theme worked over the original key of E minor, and more surprisingly directly over the first theme… So, they can actually sit together! That would most likely happen at the end of the movement or in the development if I have one and still go with a modified sonata form. That needs some figuring out.
I also spent a huge portion of the week working on my text. hmmmm…
verba mea audi Domine, intellege murmur meum.
Lucerna pedibus meis verbum, et lumen semitis meisChorus:
Salvete Deus, Laudate Dominus
Benedictus Sanctus Dominus, Salvete mediteris amenV1 Posuere venia (gratia) sperare in Dei,
Qui Deum diligit mundum manent.V2 Veni Verbum supernum, Deus, creator omnium
Audite, et meditabor in CogitaV3 Verbum semper fluit amnis in infinita
Sustinui te, Domine, tu es spes mea
I analyzed my favorite chant lines and modes, and ultimately decided that I am going to try basing the opening around the tonic and the verse around the dominant of the mode which I think is to be aeolian.
After seeing Shostakovich use a bold and basic ostinato line repetitively throughout his 3rd movement Passacaglia, I realize that I can use the Gregorian form throughout my movement and it should work too.
The secret seems to be sticking to my choices.
I managed to find a strange chord based on the two inter related note clusters from the mode, that I think will sound nice and eery in wood winds, arriving in a seemingly pointless series of textural moments… If I move the Gregorian line through the orchestra, switching textures in the various repeats, I can create a nice arc to support a solo violin that should be a cross between Shostakovich’s 3rd and Beethovens 2nd movement.
This week, I also got to spend some personal time with the renowned artist Janet Pierce. She spoke in great detail with me about her art and I had no idea it was all based on meditation! She showed me the picture of her guru and told me about her inspiring trips to India and how it changed her art.
I like the bright light in them. It looks like there is a light behind the light and if you could jump into them, you would see the light thousands of times brighter. She laughed and said its like the light in meditation. We talked for hours on the topic we mutually love!
I honestly needed to meet other artists like this. It is something I’ve never really done before and I reminded myself of that when I felt guilty about not working more! Then, as is apparently usual for residents, I found myself considering staying a few more days ….yet again…
Annaghmakerrig lake
Monday morning, with Mary laughing at the inevitability of the request, I got the all clear to stay until Thursday night so onward and upward!
This week, I fell in love with boating on the lake. In fact, when I came back in the very first time, I set up a recorder and recorded myself playing, as I had an idea that didn’t seem to fit in the concerto, but seemed to be about the rowing on the lake, and the rhythm of the lake and water. I’ll get to finish it, and it will most definitely be called Annaghmakerrig Lake.
A few days later, I met the Irish poet Mary Dorcey on her way back from a grocery trip as I was working outside the conservatory on my translation. “Hello Mary and how are you today?” I asked. She smiled and not wanting to interrupt the workflow, hesitantly came over and said “its such a beautiful day isn’t it?”. “I know” I responded, appreciative of the gesture.
We proceeded to have a long and heartfelt conversation on the creative mind and on her poetry. She shared with me how one of her well known poems was started by a line that came to her out of the blue and then she ended up working backwards from there to form the verse. On this residency, Mary is working with Dutch artist Felice Atelier, who is doing a set of paintings inspired by Mary’s poetry that will end in a book together.
This whole trip, I’ve ended up having several joyful discussions on creativity and life, and little by little discovering a shared interest in meditation and spirituality with everyone from Susan, to Mary, Jane and Karen. It was such a pleasant surprise.
The experience encouraged me to be more open to letting my spirituality appear more visible in my work, seeing as it drives it…
You know, since week 2, I was going to sleep every night with my themes playing in my mind, and waking up every morning with the themes running in my thoughts.
tools of the trade
I think being away from TV and radio helps, as does the fact that the last thing at night I was usually doing was playing the concerto voraciously on piano. I wonder can I maintain this in any way in the real world? Time will tell.
Mary surprised me on my final day, by coming on up to the studio to say goodbye in case we missed each other. Susan, Debbie and Felice did there best to embarrass me by serenading me as I tried to slip off to the car on my way out after my last supper – they didn’t succeed, as it was a wonderful final memory to have of such a beautiful place.
Tyrone Guthrie July 2011
I’m going to miss my late evening games of scrabble with Igor, Susan, Debbie, Pam, Felice and Roisin, late night Father Ted on the laptop with tea and friends, boating adventures on the tranquil lake and walking under the moon of Guru Purnima. I’m going to miss jokes over dinner, rich deserts and readings in the conservatory. I hope I can make it to one of Philips plays in Cavan!
Goodbye Tyrone Guthrie, I will miss you, and draw inspiration from you, and return to you sooner than you think. Thank you for your inspiration and welcome. I wonder how Cora is doing?
Image by The Library of Congress via Flickr
Well, this Monday, I headed into the Irish National Concert Hall with a fresh haircut, ready to make a film…. or something like that… 
We arranged a morning film shoot around the NCH and the Victorian era St. Stephens Green in the heart of Dublin City. The idea, was to catch some footage of Cora and me and conduct a brief on camera interview with us about the concerto project. Following the recording of Coras Ravel performance, its another step towards documenting our journey. Hopefully, we have enough material to make a trailer to send around to prospective investors to possibly raise some funds towards either the documentary or the project as a whole.
It was a fun morning, but in the end I’ve realized that it broke my writing focus and that is just par for the course at this point. I need to try and stay on target with my writing time.
I am going through so many emotions its hard to even write about them. There is no point in wishing for something else, because this is who I am whether I like it or not. I am a sensitive writer, and I have never been able to shed this persona with any amount of meditation or effort. It is my core. It is my soul. It is my essence. I am coming to the realization that I am fated to be this way for my entire life, and much and all as I can adapt or evolve many aspects of my being, this is so fundemental to who I am, that there is no doctoring it.
Regular meditation seems to be the only antidote to inner turmoil that I have come across, and I am thankful for that daily. The emotional highs and lows that come with my chasing of notes, is often painful at best. The rush of discovering the sequences I want is short and intense, but such a strong part of the fabric that makes up this existence of mine, that I keep coming back for more, just like an addict, except this is beyond addiction. Its a dance that is part of breathing, part of waking and part of existing. Without it, I don’t exist. What an insane Karmic path.
I don’t claim to be anyone special. I just do what I am programmed to do in my DNA and hope it makes sense at some point. I write what I hear, but what I hear has already been written. I struggle with its accuracy, yet the less I stuggle the better the accuracy. The mind and the spirit have to be in perfect harmony for the struggle to me minimised. Its like an inverse correllation.
The sooner I get that through the stubborn mind, the easier this will all go. According to Sant Kabir:
Dheere Dheere Re Mana, Dheere Sub Kutch Hoye
Mali Seenche So Ghara, Ritu Aaye Phal Hoye
Translation
Slowly slowly stay my mind, Slowly everything happens
Gardner may water garden a hundred times, When the Season comes, there is fruit
Meaning
Kabir tells his mind to slow down, and reminds it that everything in life happens in its own time. No matter the effort, karma will unfold in due course.
Its hard to describe the volatility of the creative mind, but let me at least try. I’ve been feeling so down on my writing for a few weeks that sometimes I wonder why I bother at all. I look at friends of mine like Tim or Edwin or Abel and see them doing these amazing things with their amazing music and wonder why should I even try.
Then suddenly, I go on a writing spree for 3 straight days and I feel like an entirely different person. It feels likes its a completely different mind running the show. Out of the blue, I see the potential in the piece again, and get excited about the notes I am writing and the connection between them that is unfolding in front of my eyes.
Today, Steven called and has been working on arranging a day of film shooting for the documentary this coming Monday. It made me realize how much pressure is lifted about the documentary now that I’m not afraid that moments are slipping by and I am doing nothing to grab them. Conor and himself are handling it, and it feels fantastic. …. deep sigh…. My only concern is what Sinead has to say about it, as I think he called the NCH asked for her and I’m not sure how she’ll take the surprise request for help shooting around the concert hall on Monday!
My head feels clear, my meditations are solid if not spectacular, and it seems it all adds up to a little more clarity in the writing process. Suddenly, my second movement idea is making more sense to me, I am way closer to laying out the 3rd movement chant, and the first movement concept is really flying together more than it has before. I just need to remember to try and speak to the frame drummer with Cora if I can. That would really help the forth movement come into my consciousness stronger than it currently is, although, I think it will all be obvious by the time I get there…
I sent facebook messages around today hoping to drum up some more readership for the blogs and facebook…. Lets see how that goes….
OK… finish watching harry potter (gorgeous orchestrations) and then sleep…
Image via Wikipedia
Well, I spend a few days in London, taking some important meetings pertaining to the Concerto while catching up with some old friends. Its been a strange time. I’m completely stressed out about my writing process. Its scary as hell right now. I am nervous about just about everything with the concerto and doubting myself beyond belief.
What is my problem? Well, today its pain……loads of pain. I’ve had an oddly irritating hip and shoulder for the last month or two… since just before I left for America in fact. Well, lugging a bag around London on and off the tube really did a number on them both. By this morning, I could barely move and had to go to a physiotherapist.
Tonight there is some relief, but it is more to do with this ridiculously strong muscle relaxant of a pill that my sister slipped me. It is not a long stretch of the imagination to say that I am high on drugs right now.
London was fun, but it couldn’t quite shift the stress. I keep thinking, Cora is off playing the Opera, growing a whole baby, and I’m here over-thinking writing a bloody piece of music that just refuses to come out. My time at Guthrie is approaching, and Ladislav will be in Prague before I know it and I am still frustrated.
Friday: I got into Gatwick dirt early on Friday, headed into the city and met Daragh from Seneca, left my bags with him and headed to Hyde Park on a gorgeous sunny day, with my ipod and a plastic bag filled with music. Spiritual discourses, Prokofiev violin concertos and a note pad complimented with an Ice Cream Cone and cold bottled water…. a relaxing day at last…… finally figured out the form going on inside Prokofiev’s head I think!
Some more listening at a Starbucks over a hot chocolate and I actually got a lot of work done. Maybe I should be looking for a sponsorship relationship with them! Ha! Anyway, a late change of plans resulted in a snap visit with my friend Karen David. I haven’t seen her in ages and her career has come so far since then, that it was an inspiration and a kick in the ass to see her. Watching her on BBC’s Waterloo Road and Pixelface makes me want to crank my own journey up a notch.
We sat there after dinner sharing our dreams for the future – when it came to mine, I understood that I quiet clearly wanted this concerto to give me a fair shot at a growing writing career. A producer at the meal was inspired enough by my eulogy to tell me he would put me in touch with a large composer publisher when I am ready which was a wonderful end to a dreamy tale!
Saturday: The next day, was all about visiting and meeting my friend Anupam and his wife Ruta for the first time. I did a film with Anupam called Fresh Suicide last year at its been having a great run at festivals since then winning a pile of awards. We headed to a barbecue at a further friends house that night before one final tube ride home and more excessive film conversations!
Sunday: Believe it or not, after two days of gorgeous sun in London, is rained all bloody day, which was fine for me, as Anupam, Ruta and myself cooked Indian food all day at home, alongside watching Nadal win the French Open. On a completely different tangent, I’ve wanted to learn to cook Indian food for so long seeing as veggies are my primary diet, and Ruta obliged by showing me a pile of dishes I can do myself. I also read Anupam’s new film script and it had a surprising end that gave me all sorts of angles that the music could approach the story from. We’ll figure that out at the end of the year when we are on the project…:)
Monday: A day of important meetings that could influence the success of the concerto project in a big way. First up, was Jim Reid at Warner Chappelle Publishing. Jim was over on my panel in Trinity College in December and it was fantastic to see him again and finally get to sit down at his office and talk about our lives and music of course! Jim was very enthusiastic about what I was up to, which I didn’t really expect, seeing as I’m in the middle of more of a classical project, and he is in the song publishing world. He kindly offered his support both now and when the time comes to find some publishing and support for the concerto launch which is absolutely fantastic.
Next up was finally getting to meet Simon Long who I have known via the music business for a few years now. We had a wonderful lunch at a local pub and talked about the music industry and solved all its problems over some food and drink. What can I say? ! It was wonderful afternoon and great to finally shake Simons hand in person after so many phone calls and emails over the years.
I grabbed a Starbucks (see a trend here???) with Anupam after completely getting lost walking across the Thames and heading the wrong direction, before later metting up with Daragh to head back to his brothers place to get some advice from his sister in law (Aurelie) about the documentary idea and see what if anything Universal might like to see. I was surprised yet again, to find out that the concept was very interesting to them, even if we might have to elevate the project by getting some established names on board to get their full attention. We had some wonderful creative conversation that night about the whole project and although I hit the sack late, I was feeling positive. Positive as well, knowing that this was really the last of my main duties outside writing for the next while, which should hopefully let me make some serious progress finally.
Dublin: And now the return and the blog has come full circle. After getting back to Dublin, my left shoulder and hip suddenly stepped up their pain levels. I felt crippled after getting back and writing was has been the last thing on my mind as I can barely sit, walk, type, or lie down. At least I have some relief now!
I’m hoping to try and make either or both of Cora’s gigs this weekend, as long as its not to aggravating to walk….fingers crossed!
After what seems like an eternity, I got to sit down again today at the piano and start on the concerto again. I’ve been away from it for over a month, and where at first I was nervous about the separation, now I’m seeing a benefit to it.
My mind is feeling very clear, but unfortunately my schedule hasn’t been for the last few weeks. Its been very frustrating trying to get to a place where I can write. I spoke with my old composition mentor Ladislav Kubik on Wednesday again and we have a formative plan to meet in July in Prague. When I asked him how his summer was going so far, he lamented that he was trying to get to a place where he could write, but has had a lot of things going on preventing him from getting there, like re-flooring two rooms in his house.
I had to laugh, because it sounded like a mirror image of my life in a way. It also brought a morbid sense of relief that he goes through it too. He was telling me that he is trying to get working on a piece, and will tell me more about it when he sees me in Prague in July. He assures me it is not a violin concerto!
I’m thinking of going to see him in July – I was originally going to go on the CASMI composition course to see him, but now, it seems its that its only for a week at the end of the month. Thats fine – I think it will be more focused anyway.
I’m also trying to find out more about my residency at the Tyrone Guthrie Centre. I’ve got 2 weeks to spend there, and I think I’ve finally decided to spit it in half and spend a week there before going to PRague and maybe a week afterwards. I just like the idea of sections of focused writing. I need all the focus and structure I can find right now, and this is an opportunity to layer it over me for the next few months.
I called in to see Cora at the end of last week and it was great to see her. Her pregnancy is coming along nicely and it reminded me of the marching of time, watching her progress. We went through a lot of the music again and it was interesting because we both had a different emotional experience listening to the music this time than we remember when we did our playing last time. It was not expected!
Anyway, enough time has passed that the concertos I was indulging in earlier in the year are out of my head, and I’m a clean slate to draw in my own fresh musical concepts for our piece. I think what I’m enjoying discovering is how Cora makes her violin resonate, and trying to take advantage of that as much as I can. I’m planning on sitting down tomorrow and writing chant for the piece, but also listening back to the recordings we made to see which music phrases sing most through her.
I was looking back over some of the footage today as it was coming into the hard drives and had to laugh at myself – I think about things way to much… I know it, and it comes across on the video. There is nothing like a hard cruel look at yourself to knock you into shape, is there?
A Concerto Playback Session What a strange week its been. This day last week, after fearing that I would not get to see Cora before I left, we actually arranged to spend time going through the music and I set … Continue reading
