short and sweet

Scared

a day closer to getting on a plane and another day of self-doubt. I guess at this point it should never fail to surprise me how much insecurity can pop up without a moments notice. The thought pattern is repetitive – get stuck not moving forward as fast as I’d like, think about how much is still to do, think about how many greater composers than me took longer than this to write brilliant works and finally doubt that I am up to the challenge.

Usually, I kill that thought shortly afterwards, as I don’t have enough time to dwell on it, but that is the pitter patter approach of self doubt visiting me

I think not having a chance to see Cora in a while has exaggerated the fear, as I sense time passing and want to stay on top of things and everything from a wasted day to an overslept morning worries me. I think people have far worse real life concerns in the world than I do, but unfortunately, these are the ones that consume me.

Anyway, I did get some writing in today, some clarinet practice and even got to hear Carlos Nunez at the Irish National Concert Hall tonight with my dad – it was some really nice bonding time before I leave in a few days.  The music was interesting and he is a stunning musician. I was paying attention to what made certain pieces more showy than others, and how the toms and large bass drum sounded in the music, although the amplification didn’t give me an authentic listening environment. Yet, there were ideas to be had…

the struggle for focus

You know, it sometimes feels like life goes out of its way to conspire against me in my most pertinent endeavors. As I sit here listening ot Arvo Párt’s Fratres, its easier to reflect with less madness on it all. I came across a great and personable blog article on him by Irish Novelist Adrian McKinty which is worth a 30second read if you have a moment.

My laptop has refused to behave itself, my new ProTools software has behaved even worse, and my internet dongle has completely vanished. For a period today, my headphone output had even left the building!

I had borrowed my sisters Zoom recorder to put beside me as I worked out ideas on the piano, to catch any good stuff I forgot…. and you guessed it, it wasn’t recording for the first two attempts I made to do it – you would think pressing record wasn’t to difficult right?!

Anyway, the concerto. Aside from writing, I’ve been reading a few great sources of information on the challenge I’m undertaking so as to inform myself as best I can along the journey. One great book I’m enjoying is called “CONTEMPORARY MUSIC: An Introduction” by Francis Routh. It’s a fascinating take, written in 1968, on contemporary music. So far I’ve been reading about the importance of contemporary music on the people of the different periods and Routh is making a case for the various aspects of culture that

Cover of Plato

can be captured in the music if the composer so chooses. There is a great quote in there from the philosopher Plato that conveys his strong convictions of the importance of contemporary music in any lasting culture.

Plato felt that music should form an integral part in the education of the “Guardians” of his ideal city:

“The decisive importance of education in poetry and music: rhythm and harmony sink deep into the recesses of the soul and take the strongest hold there, bringing that grace of body and mind which is only to be found in one who is brought up in the right way. Moreover, a proper training in this kind makes a man quick to perceive any defect or ugliness in art or in nature. Such deformity will rightly disgust him. Approving all that is lovely, he will welcome it home with joy into his soul and nourished thereby grow into a man of a noble spirit.“

I think that is an amazing insight. Think about it. Using music and poetry to educate people to the point that they can now critically analyze in life like they can in art. This would increase the awareness of people, and their capacity to read between the lines in situations and not become followers of momental fads or outrageous philosophies and movements that hurt them or others in any way. Its Platos idea of utopia and its an amazing insight into the power of music.

To capture the attention of a modern society though, music needs to be music of the now, and familiar enough to its audience to lure them in. Modern contemporary composers are often at odds with the general masses, and it could be said that only a few truly cross over. I guess both modern education and modern composers are both to blame for this widening gap. Wouldn’t it be nice to put something together that actually helped lure some listeners back into the world of contemporary music?

I’ve also pulled out a book, which is so old its missing its front cover and is barely holding its binding! Its called “Form in Instrumental Music” and is one of the coolest books on form I’ve ever come across, and I had to stumble on it in a box of books while putting stuff up in the attic at home! I think its from 1930.

It couldn’t have come at a better time in my writing and is helping broaden my philosophies and education on form. You can never know enough about form I say!

Anyway, ’twas a good day of writing. Clarity comes by to visit and is more present daily. One of these days, she’ll present herself, and I’ll welcome her with open arms….

I’m hoping to find Cora before I leave for America. It would be nice to hear some of the ideas on her violin, with her intensity and passon before I have to depart. So will begin, an intense period of studio mock ups and couch surfing until I return in late April….

Ok… off to bed me thinks…

gregorian chant

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I spent my day today, working on my opening movement, and also on my third movement Gregorian Chant flavored idea. I have this crazy plan of bringing in a slow movement with Gregorian style orchestra and a soloing violin above. … Continue reading →

balancing melody, virtuosity and form

Another day and another page of ideas. I listened to 3 straight Beethoven Symphonies when I first got up this morning. Symphony No. 1, in C major, op. 21 (1799-1800) Symphony No. 2, in D major, op.36 (1802) Symphony No. … Continue reading →

melodic tessitura

"Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens" Carl Jung

I’ve been stretching my theme in various directions the last few days at my gorgeously tuned piano, mixing it up with some clarinet, walking thinking of melodies, some practice on oboe trying to learn a new instrument and generally enjoying music now that my musical imagination is in full free flow again.

I feel as long as I give it time daily, things will stay flowing from now on in the process.

I’ve been paying more and more attention to what could be referred to as the tessitura of the thematic line. I’ve been aware of having the luxury of pushing the line further than the typical orchestral range as it is the solo instrument and should have the freedom to come and go as it pleases.

The question I’ve been facing is how far the theme in its base, raw, form should travel on its own before it ever gets developed. I think I am in the mood for an analysis session in the morning of a few concertos to get some sort of consensus from the Masters

Lets see what they have to say about it in the morning…

Finally bedtime. Here’s a video I shot earlier today before a whole new day of exploration went into the piece…..

I found a door to my imagination with a sign that said come on inside

Today, I definitely broke through some mental wall – well it feels that way now… lets see how long that feeling lasts.

I guess that is one of the strange sensations of writing for me. A moment of clarity, and then I chase the musical storylines while it lasts, all the while praying that it doesn’t leave me. It seems once I keep actively engaging them, the well of ideas keep their transparency and remain visible to me. It’s much better when they don’t hide from me I have to say

Yesterday, the wall started to crumble, but today it truly came falling down. I’ve been hunting for my voice to interpret and express the ideas that have been simmering in my thoughts. I honestly don’t know why I can see clearly today and couldn’t a few days ago. Where did the clarity come from?

I did my usual morning routine – get up at 8ish, meditate for 2-3 hours, eat a breakfast then sit down and start with the melody in my head, playing it over and over like an internal, eternal level of a video game. I had taken my theme a little further than before while working my routine yesterday, but today I somehow decided to try and go a different direction again and something magical happened.

I think listening to a Haydn symphony last night and in particular listening, eyes closed, to the Brahms concerto for violin and cello played by two stellar musicians in Joshua Bell and Steven Isserlis helped a lot. I have finally gotten through my thick skull that these legendary composers did what they felt like as they wrote. They were living in the moment, using the tools of the time, and totally absorbed in the general thinking of the time which tended to manifest itself in their work, even while they were busy doing their own thing.

The crazy part is, that they were simultaneously being themselves and products of their environments, which created music identifiable with the period. But, underneath it all, this intense, magical personal adventurous stream of creativity was bubbling through and the best of each era, are masters at harnessing it.

With me, I think it means I’ve finally found peace with balancing my unusual melodic tendencies, my ‘theme and variations’ core, my crazy chordal structures and my overindulgent logic against expected musical forms and historical concerto norms. I think, in short, if it works it works!

Today, the melody is acting more like a storyline and I can suddenly write it into all sorts of sentences. Its lucid and fluid, free and flowing and takes me inside some beautiful soundscapes. Honestly? its like my own magic carpet ride that is carrying me into all sorts of undiscovered territory.

I get the sense of the unknown as I let it carry me, and that is the space I love to be operating in when I am writing. The more I can feel it, the further I drift. What does it feel like? it feels like there is a pipe, funneling a flow of sounds from unknown worlds that Bernoulli himself would be proud of. If I close my eyes, I can see notes flying all around on translucent staves and everything somehow starts taking form inside my head, and then my mind organizes it all.

With a clear head, and tuned receiver, all sorts of magic can be conjured from the waterfall of sound.

Waiting and listening

It’s a funny old thing, recording music.

It’s one of my busy, can’t-practice days, and I’m curled up on an air mattress in my friend’s attic while there is a collective push toward getting ready to record some of his songs. I’m enjoying some real peace here amongst the bustle! There are people running up and down the stairs doing things to cables, lights, and in every room someone is doing something creative. I’ve gotten my notes in order for my contribution to the music – I am terrible with song titles, can never remember which ones are violin and which viola, and I have shabbily written sketches of what I’m playing where that probably could not be interpreted by anyone but me. Ha! Secret code! The reality is that I’m too lazy to write down time stuff, so I just throw down the pitches and when I hear each song I remember the timings.

So, in between actually being needed to play on my violin or viola, I’m using this “quiet” time to tie up the odd loose end here on my computer. Despite the snatches of talking and music I’m hearing, I’m finishing knocking one of my own tunes into shape for Yurodny; this one grew out of an improvised intro I’ve played for one of our tunes a few times, so I’m throwing thematic material into Sibelius, tweaking it a bit, and making snap decisions on the form, which can always be changed later.

Anyway, here, today, we are recording acoustically, which is to say, doing live performances of the songs in the space, and recording them without separation. Often if a band go into a studio, each musician will be behind screens which shield the microphones from picking each others’ sounds up, so that afterwards you can edit stuff easily – and so that if one person fluffs something, someone else’s beautiful performance doesn’t necessarily have to be scrapped. Indeed, nowadays a lot of stuff you hear on a record has been layered separately, one musician at a time listening to a click track perhaps at the beginning, or a guide vocal, and then a rough mix as time goes on and each part gets recorded. This kind of technique allows for very precise editing and most top 40 stuff nowadays is done that way, when they’re using live instruments as opposed to electronic sounds, that is.

This session is very different.  Having done strings on more records than I can count on all my phalanges, almost all of which have been done using separate tracking methods, this thing today is a total breath of fresh air. It does make for a lot of waiting around, though. But there’s something nice about that, too. It can be so weird to show up for a record never having heard the music beforehand or met the people, then you spend a few hours tracking up a lush orchestral sound, and then get a cheque and leave… or leave and never get a cheque until you pester them a bit… or just never get one!

So tomorrow is a day of Yurodny and Bach – all rehearsals – and then back out here for the next two days for more recording and listening. For all my whining about being run off my feet, and as much as I wish I were now in bed resting up for my early start tomorrow, these musics are very nourishing indeed. You just need that little bit of space between events to process and really absorb the benefits and beauty, if you are not to forget any details.

Now, back to waiting with bated breath and pricked ears…