Today, I definitely broke through some mental wall – well it feels that way now… lets see how long that feeling lasts.
I guess that is one of the strange sensations of writing for me. A moment of clarity, and then I chase the musical storylines while it lasts, all the while praying that it doesn’t leave me. It seems once I keep actively engaging them, the well of ideas keep their transparency and remain visible to me. It’s much better when they don’t hide from me I have to say 🙂
Yesterday, the wall started to crumble, but today it truly came falling down. I’ve been hunting for my voice to interpret and express the ideas that have been simmering in my thoughts. I honestly don’t know why I can see clearly today and couldn’t a few days ago. Where did the clarity come from?
I did my usual morning routine – get up at 8ish, meditate for 2-3 hours, eat a breakfast then sit down and start with the melody in my head, playing it over and over like an internal, eternal level of a video game. I had taken my theme a little further than before while working my routine yesterday, but today I somehow decided to try and go a different direction again and something magical happened.
I think listening to a Haydn symphony last night and in particular listening, eyes closed, to the Brahms concerto for violin and cello played by two stellar musicians in Joshua Bell and Steven Isserlis helped a lot. I have finally gotten through my thick skull that these legendary composers did what they felt like as they wrote. They were living in the moment, using the tools of the time, and totally absorbed in the general thinking of the time which tended to manifest itself in their work, even while they were busy doing their own thing.
The crazy part is, that they were simultaneously being themselves and products of their environments, which created music identifiable with the period. But, underneath it all, this intense, magical personal adventurous stream of creativity was bubbling through and the best of each era, are masters at harnessing it.
With me, I think it means I’ve finally found peace with balancing my unusual melodic tendencies, my ‘theme and variations’ core, my crazy chordal structures and my overindulgent logic against expected musical forms and historical concerto norms. I think, in short, if it works it works!
Today, the melody is acting more like a storyline and I can suddenly write it into all sorts of sentences. Its lucid and fluid, free and flowing and takes me inside some beautiful soundscapes. Honestly? its like my own magic carpet ride that is carrying me into all sorts of undiscovered territory.
I get the sense of the unknown as I let it carry me, and that is the space I love to be operating in when I am writing. The more I can feel it, the further I drift. What does it feel like? it feels like there is a pipe, funneling a flow of sounds from unknown worlds that Bernoulli himself would be proud of. If I close my eyes, I can see notes flying all around on translucent staves and everything somehow starts taking form inside my head, and then my mind organizes it all.
With a clear head, and tuned receiver, all sorts of magic can be conjured from the waterfall of sound.