Well, this Monday, I headed into the Irish National Concert Hall with a fresh haircut, ready to make a film…. or something like that… 🙂
We arranged a morning film shoot around the NCH and the Victorian era St. Stephens Green in the heart of Dublin City. The idea, was to catch some footage of Cora and me and conduct a brief on camera interview with us about the concerto project. Following the recording of Coras Ravel performance, its another step towards documenting our journey. Hopefully, we have enough material to make a trailer to send around to prospective investors to possibly raise some funds towards either the documentary or the project as a whole.
It was a fun morning, but in the end I’ve realized that it broke my writing focus and that is just par for the course at this point. I need to try and stay on target with my writing time.
I am going through so many emotions its hard to even write about them. There is no point in wishing for something else, because this is who I am whether I like it or not. I am a sensitive writer, and I have never been able to shed this persona with any amount of meditation or effort. It is my core. It is my soul. It is my essence. I am coming to the realization that I am fated to be this way for my entire life, and much and all as I can adapt or evolve many aspects of my being, this is so fundemental to who I am, that there is no doctoring it.
Regular meditation seems to be the only antidote to inner turmoil that I have come across, and I am thankful for that daily. The emotional highs and lows that come with my chasing of notes, is often painful at best. The rush of discovering the sequences I want is short and intense, but such a strong part of the fabric that makes up this existence of mine, that I keep coming back for more, just like an addict, except this is beyond addiction. Its a dance that is part of breathing, part of waking and part of existing. Without it, I don’t exist. What an insane Karmic path.
I don’t claim to be anyone special. I just do what I am programmed to do in my DNA and hope it makes sense at some point. I write what I hear, but what I hear has already been written. I struggle with its accuracy, yet the less I stuggle the better the accuracy. The mind and the spirit have to be in perfect harmony for the struggle to me minimised. Its like an inverse correllation.
The sooner I get that through the stubborn mind, the easier this will all go. According to Sant Kabir:
Dheere Dheere Re Mana, Dheere Sub Kutch Hoye
Mali Seenche So Ghara, Ritu Aaye Phal Hoye
Slowly slowly stay my mind, Slowly everything happens
Gardner may water garden a hundred times, When the Season comes, there is fruit
Kabir tells his mind to slow down, and reminds it that everything in life happens in its own time. No matter the effort, karma will unfold in due course.